Lately, when people ask me how the project is going, I reply with some variation of "great, but I'm just about ready to torch this f*!#ing dress." So the obvious follow-up question is, "if it's so awful, why did you decide to do it?" There are two answers, and the first is in that section right under the picture of me that reads:
Dearly Beloved,
You are invited to join me as I spend the next thirty days:
-Making a commitment to love myself,
-Trying to understand my value as a single Jewish woman,
-And exploring the romanticism of weddings... and the burdens that follow.
That pretty much sums up my intentions, and the word "exploring" is key. This answer happens to be the one that most of the art educators and critics I know would want to read. But this project isn't just for art educators and critics, and on my public excursions I've encountered many people who really want to know what events in my life brought this on. Honestly, if you got out a notepad and put me on a leather couch, I could recount my entire childhood and it would probably all seem relevant - I was sort of a tomboy, my parents fought A LOT, I'm attracted to men AND women, and I've never baked an apple pie in my life - but ultimately there is just one single unshakeable moment that got me into this mess.
About a month ago, over spring break, I was watching television with my mother. A commercial for David's Bridal came on, and something inside me said "Oooooh! I want a wedding dress!" And then something else inside me said "Wait! WHY do I want a wedding dress?!"
While most people probably would have just shaken it off, I didn't. I couldn't. This question followed me everywhere I went after that, and it was incredibly disturbing. WHY did I want a wedding dress so badly? And even though I have the dress now, (lucky me,) I still don't have an answer.
But I do have 14 more days to go, right? Who knows what I'll figure out...
5 comments:
WHY? seriously though. CAN you please explain how this all makes any sense. Again, I understand that you are exploring the roll of a single Jewish woman, and exposing the gender rolls that society has pressed onto women, particularly single women. I get that. marriage to ones self though?
Marriage is a union between two people (gay or strait), not a self masturbatory holiday!!! This "PERFORMANCE" art makes absolutely little to no sense. And please do not label me as one of the people that "doesnt get it" because i do. I just think your making your point in a very narcissistic manor that is leaving people to question exactly "why" what your doing makes sense.
On a different note, congrats for you two weeks being married to yourself. I did not know that Making a commitment to love ones self was best done by marriage to ones self. I always wanted to marry me, but ya know the other me just isnt ready to put that ring on my finger. My mother keeps telling me to dump me if me isnt ever going to marry my sorry ass and commit. But seriously, I dont need to "marry" myself to boost my self esteem and general self respect.
And what are you going to do if you ever do find your special someone? divorce yourself, breaking that commitment to yourself. And please, at the end this month, dont divorce yourself, because then you will just be saying "fuck you" to everyone that actually does take marriage vows seriously.
I have a lot more to say but, im at work, and i have to beat off. Im sure you all know about that. Yeah, Please dont call me a pig cause I talk about masturbation...
Herbert J Witte
It may have just been the subtle influence of society touching your mind and at that very instant it made itself apparent. I've actually been talking to a number of people about this kind of thing that at the heart is a nature vs. nurture argument (going back to philosophy). I've been of the opinion that nurture can overwrite nature to a big degree. Marriage is one of those nurture things that is ingrained in us early because it is so UNnatural.
Subconsciously the side of you that has been exposed to marriage came out and put a foot in the mouth of the natural response. In fact I kind of see your project as a broad version of challenging the "nurture" element of human development. Love isn't just between men and women, and marriage I think shouldn't be either. These people that respond to you puzzled are seeing someone liberated of a firm grasp from society's "norms". They get to see someone as they are, with their own perspective intact.
This is such a great project Irina. It is very interesting and you are wonderful for doing it. Keep up the posts!
-Erik Osaben
I feel the same way. I want the dress, I want the wedding, but I don't know why.
Why do I feel like a loser for being 31, female and unmarried despite having a great job, great friends, and boyfriend?
Why do I still yearn for that one bit of something? And why does it mean so much?
I am 56, almost got married (to a guy) somewhere back in the dark ages around 1970 or so. I had the dress (lacy, tightfitting, high neck, big victorian summer hat, and was to carry my bouquet in a closed parasol), and invitations were sent. His Dad had offered to pay 1/2 at our parents first meeting. His Mom thought my Mom's (and my) taste was too expensive. They fought every night on the phone like cats in heat. My Mom finally asked if we could please go get married at city hall and call off the wedding and I said sure. The child groom (we were both getting married to get away from our Moms and were going to live in NYU married grad student housing) locked himself in his computer lab and didn't come out until he thought I was over him. We never saw eachother again. Too bad, it was my only chance to have lived cheaply in the Village. (I grew up and was living in Queens). I just sold the engagement ring, which I had to drag him to buy, with a few other things to help pay my mortgage.
Segue to early '80s, Boston. I came out in a time and place where the word Lesbian was almost always followed by the word Feminist.
Anyway, I got married for the first time 4 years ago to my female partner of 10 years. I decided to have a fairie queene of the woods theme and I wore purple and the bridesmaids all wore white. We all wore wreaths of leaves and tiny flowers. My beloved wore a tux. A damn handsome chap she was, too!
The point? I'm pissed off at myself for not going for the white dress!!!!!!!!!!!!! I too, having trod on all tradition my entire life, am, still, obsessed with THE DRESS! I still look at bridal mags, wedding gowns on the net and in stores, and try to think up a reason to get one. Irina, I'm sooooooooooooo glad you are getting this one out of your system! Would the white dress have changed anything about the wedding and our relationship, both trials and joys? I don't think so.
It's one of those traditional things you do because "it's done that way" and no matter how hard we try to go against that grain, it sticks. Like plaque on teeth and in arteries. And we can't let go. What a waste of time, hunh?
And we have very little control over much in our lives besides the personal, and we fuck that up by dwelling and obsessing on the getting of or the not getting of society's conventions.
I wish more people affected by meeting and talking with Irina would actually post here about how her performance has affected them.
If I may respond to the first comment, I'm not going to argue the meaning, because I understand that the writer gets it and simply doesn't like it. I just wanted to say that I don't think anyone is going to call anybody else a "pig" for mentioning masturbation. That's just silly. I, for one, find masturbation quite enjoyable, even in artwork. I consider your piece a self-portrait, really, which is the ultimate form of masturbation art. I myself am working on a series of self-portraits, which, although painted and not walking around, have the same "Look at me! Look at me!" quality as yours. They obviously haven't had the successful effect of yours, as they are not starting controversy. And might I add kudos, because these kind of heated responses are the kind of thing that artists dream of.
Although I also wonder, however respectfully, what would happen if you found someone you wanted to marry. Wouldyou divorce yourself? Would you practice polygamy? Would it even be considered polygamy?
Much Love,
Sarah
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